Planning Parenthood Rating: PG Category: MSR, Mulder POV, Post-ep Spoilers: Existence ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I wasn't really expecting Scully to kiss me back with such passion, but she did like to keep me guessing. We haven't kissed like this in a long time. When I was returned things were strained between us and any contact we'd had was limited. Our kisses had been abrupt and our embraces cursory. It hadn't helped my state of mind that Scully seemed to be as scared as I was. Neither of us had been brave enough to voice our fears and I think that may have been a good thing. It would have only reinforced what we were afraid of and neither of us had been in any frame of mind to deal with more anxiety. Scully's hand has traveled up my arm and is now weaving its way into my hair. As her tongue delves even deeper into my mouth, I am distracted by a strange snuffling sound and something brushing against my chest. Reluctantly, I pull out of the kiss to look down at our son. Scully begins to chuckle when she see William nuzzling at my t-shirt. "I guess he's hungry," she's smiling broadly. "I hate to break it to you buddy," I say softly as I hand him back to Scully, "but your mom is far better equipped to help you out." Scully chuckles again when I emphasize the 'far'. "Does that mean you approve of recent developments?" "I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I might incriminate myself," I waggle my eyebrows. "Yeah?" she laughs, "You don't need to," she nods down toward William who is nuzzling more frantically at her breast, "Like father, like son." "You're talking about our big appetites, right?" I ask in an innocent tone of voice. "Right," she rolls her eyes. "I'm going into the bedroom to nurse. I still find it easier on the bed." "Do you want me to take him while you get settled?" I trail behind her. "Please," she smiles up at me. This time when I take William, I hold him up to my shoulder, but it doesn't stop him from trying to suck on my shirt again. When Scully has arranged herself, she holds out her arms. I can't help but watch in amazement as our son begins to nurse. I wasn't entirely joking about his appetite. He certainly has the whole latching on thing down pat. When I look from his face to Scully's, the look of sheer bliss on her face as she gazes down at William makes my heart surge. In an instant I feel a fierce need to protect them surge through me. Nature is only replicating feelings I've had for a very long time. "I'll go make some dinner," I keep my voice muted. "Good idea," Scully is still smiling. "I'm a bit hungry now, by the time he's done I'll be ravenous." "I'll make something quick," I assure her. "I think I have spaghetti sauce in the freezer," she suggests. "Spaghetti it is." Before I leave the room she asks for a glass of water. Nursing not only makes her hungry, but very thirsty as well. Since I only have to reheat the sauce, I decide to make a salad. Scully is still eating for two and I want to keep them both healthy. When everything is ready, I am about to check on Scully when she emerges from the bedroom, fully dressed. "He's asleep," she smiles. I can't get over how much she's been smiling lately, and I'm loving every minute of it. "Okay," I whisper. "Dinner's ready." "Don't whisper, Mulder," she laughs. "If we whisper and tiptoe around we'll make him a light sleeper. I plan to vacuum around his cradle when he's napping." "I'm new at this, Scully, bear with me," I hold out her chair. "And I've had years of experience?" "You probably paid a little more attention than I did," I defend myself. "Either that or I have a mother that loves to give me lots of advice," she chuckles through a mouthful of salad. William begins to stir when we start to clear the table. Scully gives him a couple of minutes to see if he'll settle down again, but he just gets fussier. "He should probably have a bath, anyway," she shrugs and heads to the bedroom. "I'll clean up in here then," I announce when she reappears with William in her arms. "The dishes can wait, you should learn how to give him a bath," she informs me. "I should?" "Mmm hmm." "I know how to change his diapers," I point out as I follow her to the bathroom. "What's the matter?" she looks back over her shoulder at me. "He's so small, I'm afraid I'll drop him," I confess. "That's why I'm going to show you how," she shakes her head. As it turns out, it's not as bad as I'd feared. William does get slippery, but my large hands make it easier for me to control him than it is for Scully with her tiny hands. Once I have William dried off and into a clean sleeper he is ready to eat again. "He seems to eat all of the time, Scully. Is that normal?" I wonder as I settle him into her arms. "Very," she assures me. "His stomach is tiny so he eats often to compensate." "Oh," I shrug. "Don't worry about asking questions, Mulder. How else will you learn?" While William is eating, I go back to the kitchen to tidy up. When I'm done, I join them in the bedroom just in time to demonstrate my diaper changing expertise. It's not long before William drifts off again. All he seems to do is eat, sleep and..., but Scully assures me that will all change soon enough. When I get back from washing my hands, Scully is changing back into her pajamas. "My mother advised me to sleep when the baby sleeps," she answers the look of surprise on my face. "And I am exhausted. But you don't have to come to bed." "It has been a long day," I admit as I strip to my boxers. "Can we talk for a bit before we go to sleep?" "Sure," Scully says brightly as she slips into bed. When I get in beside her, I open my arms and she snuggles up against me. Forgetting that I wanted to talk, I revel in the warmth of her body against mine. It has been too long. "Mulder?" "Hmm?" "You wanted to talk?" "Right," I chuckle. "I wanted to apologize actually." "Apologize?" "Yes, Scully, I'm sorry that I wasn't strong enough to be there for you when I got back." She is silent for a moment but her arms tighten around me. "I wasn't much help to you either. I was so happy that you were back I couldn't see what you were going through." "I was scared, Scully, but I didn't want you to see that. I decided that keeping my distance was the best way. I knew if I let myself get close to you, all of my fears would come spilling out and you didn't need that." "I knew you were overwhelmed, Mulder. It's okay. Everything is fine. I couldn't be happier," her voice sounds drowsy. "I love you," I lift her chin to press my lips lightly against hers. "I love you too," she burrows even closer to me. It's not long before I can tell that she is sound asleep. I know I should take her mother's advice and sleep, but it doesn't come as easily for me as it does for Scully. I am content to lie here with her in my arms, listening to the two people I love most in the world sleeping peacefully. At some point I must have dozed off, because I am jerked awake by William's cry. Scully starts to get out of the bed, but I stop her. "I'll get him." "Maybe you should change him first. Then we can put him straight into his cradle when he's done," she suggests, her voice still raspy from sleep. Her plan works well and in twenty minutes William is back to sleep. Before we drift off again, I glance at the clock and find that it's 12:30. I'm not usually even in bed by this time. Now I have no trouble falling to sleep, but it seems like I've just closed my eyes when the baby's cries wake me again. As I stumble out of bed, I squint at the clock to see that it's now 3:30. Scully dashes to the bathroom while I'm changing another diaper. I praise William for only peeing. I wasn't up to anything else at this time of the night. This time our son doesn't succumb as easily and I walk the floor with him for half an hour before he finally falls asleep. When I collapse into bed beside Scully, she mumbles something and snuggles up to me again. If the clock hadn't read 6:30, I wouldn't have believed that I'd actually been asleep again when William's crying wakes me. When I start to get up, Scully stops me. "You sleep, Mulder, you had a rough night." "What about you?" "That's the most sleep I've had in a week. You get some rest, because we're going to get to do this all over again tonight?" Scully chuckles as I groan and fall back against my pillow. "When will he sleep longer?" "In a week or two he'll probably sleep 4 hours at time. In a couple of months he might sleep for 5 or 6 hours. If we're lucky by the time he's six months old he'll sleep through the night -- if we're lucky." When Scully leaves the room I close my eyes to try to sleep. As tired as I am, I fear I might be up for the day now too. If I had to show up at work, I'd be a complete basket case. I'd have to remember to drop Kersh a little note of thanks. end   end Return to Post Eps Feedback ardywyn1@gmail.com